Crores of thanks Manima Shri Jagannath Mahaprabhu by Subhasmita Pradahan

Oh Lord…….

I have heard so many beautiful experiences about you, but what you did to me, till today I am burning in shame, regret. That’s why I’m saying it. I don’t know who will say what after listening to me. Still saying, your attitude to you… to comfort my mind a little. Whether anyone listens or not, are you listening?

I don’t know the language, can’t find the words. But you think of it dear, I think it will touch my heart,

I don’t know what is sin or ‘ virtue ‘, but now I am thinking how much I have done what people call sin. If all that is a sin, why do you have mercy on me? Did I do anything for you in your next birth? Would have been……..

That day you showered mercy on me by removing the ignorance of my mind! Since then I’m just burning.

What did I go to Chandaluni and what did I do! Thought I would take you some bananas, coconut….? Naim I would take some of your choice. Waking up from four o’clock in the night, I have taken a lot of malli, basil, sitting on the bus thinking what to tell you! I have reached your big temple thinking about it, but what is this? He is not there who I came with! Perhaps you are left behind somewhere. Thinking what to do now, she keeps moving forward in the crowd. You are in front of me.

Oh…… I am over…. I am filled by seeing your black face, what should I say, if I finish seeing you….. As the eyes don’t touch those eyes, you listen to everything, even now that moment comes in front of my eyes. Even if you close your eyes, those few moments of your sight can only be seen by big round eyes.

What did I do, that flower basil is still in my hand, did I take it for you!

Why are you thinking about him, thinking of giving him in front of him, when did I come away from you in the crowd. I thought again that what is the need to show someone I brought for you, they have not come yet. My heart is not satisfied by seeing you, until I will see you again and will come back with flowers and basil.

Oh….. what did I do?

‘But did I bring it for you… I will show it to someone else,’ Such a big punishment for thinking? Are you angry, did you close the door? What is wrong with you that? I have done so much of burnt face, what did I do? Is it to die now? Would this sky fall on my head… But nothing is happening. Again thought which face should I take in front of you? What did I do for the common man?

Yuck…. Yuck…

What should I do now? As if the feet don’t move forward anymore. Asking when the mountain will open, everyone is saying nothing is right, but have to return, if it is late, there will be no bus to go to the village. He came after a while. I felt very sad because I could not see it anymore. I can’t say how my heart is burning even after seeing, with regret.

Whatever I did, if I say she will get angry, she doesn’t like all this, she loves you so much, so I thought she will like the love in my heart for you, what if you did it right for marriage at home! I want to make her happy, but what did I do today? You are the interior! Unknown to you, tell the truth don’t I love you?

Yes yes I know all are your exams, knowing everything you burned me in the fire of regret?

He said he will come back after visiting you near Kalpbat. I thought you were everywhere, I’m giving it here. Forgive me oh. I came back after convincing my mind, it felt like I have lost something, I know what was going on in my mind and you. That’s why maybe even after knowing my low mind, the person who understood my mind and put my hand in his hand.

You sent me a boat when I was drowning, but without you that boat also despises itself, he always says, Lord, you are there! Told me too this time but you will take flowers from my hand.

There is no question of faith in you, and whoever does not believe, my body gets fire.

Give me anything or not, I have no money, you are the most wise! You don’t know what it is! You are everything and you are my everything. I am sitting in the boat you sent, for me you both are the same. You don’t feel good without him. Without you, he doesn’t even have a status. He is the one who can’t drown in the illusion of this world, but you are the boatman! I know, I couldn’t listen to your exams but you won. Today I am blessed to have you both.

Thank you again and again manima. For that test of yours, for the regret you made me. Only for you.. From then on, no one is first in my life, except you.

That day I couldn’t give you even if I had Sina flower basil, but today I have nothing to give you, nothing…. I am zero. What else will I give?

I am yours, my every breath is yours, you are my life….

You have done good by giving such moments, see how I am dying by missing every moment.

I know that you are burning me for my happiness, the happiness in burning, only the one who got it knows. Oh graceful…. I am in this condition today only because of your grace.

Still everything comes to my mind and what do I do sitting alone, what should I tell you. I have been talking so many things, you are not saying anything? I know that you get wet in my tears, but tell me what to do? Thinking of you, whether in happiness or sorrow, only tears and tears…..

Tell the truth.. Are you happy with me now??

Oh Lord….

My life is mine.  by Subhasmita Pradahan